5 Reasons Why Your Resolutions Will Fail

It's that time of year again - New Year's Day - and the atmosphere is fresh with hope and possibility. Many will make New Year's resolutions out of habit and obligation and sadly, many of those resolutions will fail. However, that does not have to be your narrative. If you can confront the five reasons that most people's resolutions fail and implement the following strategies to make your resolutions rock solid, then your 2018 resolutions will be unstoppable.

Reason #1: Your resolutions are fear-based.

Many people create new intentions and goals because they are afraid of what might happen if they do not make a change.

"If I don't ________, then ________ will happen."

This approach to developing new habits and behaviors - which anticipates negative consequences rather than positive shifts - is sure to sink any resolution you may come up with. Any time we develop an idea that is rooted in fear, we are certain to manifest fear in the way we go about making that idea a tangible reality.

For example, say your goal is to pick a new hobby and incorporate more enjoyment into your life, but your motivation is that you are afraid that without a new hobby, you will be uninteresting, then that critical idea that you aren't interesting will dominate every thought or behavior involved in choosing a new hobby.

Success Tip #1: 

Instead of creating resolutions based in fear, try to come up with a resolution that represents your conscious values (values you choose because of how they empower and expand you) and draw you into more of what you want to experience in 2018 (i.e. creativity, healthiness, spiritual growth, kindness, adventure, honesty, integrity, etc.)

Reason #2: Your vision is isolated.

If you are someone who likes to keep your goals to yourself to protect yourself from possible embarrassment if you don't do exactly what you say you will, then this one might be for you. If a goal you are setting carries any shame with it, then you may be less likely to involve others in your process. Finances, health/wellness, and character building are all areas that can sometimes be accompanied by shame.

"But what will they think of me if they know about _______?"

This inner dialogue too often keeps us from creating healthy interdependence with others who can encourage us, cheer us on, and help us refine our vision. Inviting others into our growth not only builds in accountability, but it also provides us with a tribe of people who can reflect back our self-worth and remind us of our best qualities when we can't see them for ourselves.

Success Tip #2:

Pick three people whom you can confide in and share your 2018 resolutions with and update along the way. Make sure these people are ones who believe in you and your vision and can help erode shame and self-doubt by acknowledging your intentions, validating your fears, and providing examples that counter your fear and inspire rather than shame you. 

Reason #3: You are disconnected from your "why."

If you are not clear about why you are doing something, then you are highly likely to fail because your goal will lack power and purpose. Getting clear about why you are setting out to do what you desire to do will provide excitement, momentum, and direction and will anchor you if ever you feel like giving up.

Without getting connected to your "why" and tethering yourself to your purpose, it will be difficult to commit to the baby steps necessary to make your goal come to life.

Perhaps you have a surface level "why," but aren't connected to your deepest "why." As you uncover more layers of why you want to do something and what benefits it will provide you, your commitment to completing your goal will grow exponentially.

Success Tip #3:

Write down your resolution and underneath it, write the "why" that you know. Then, underneath that, write another layer of "why" until you get to your very deepest "why."

Example: Say my resolution is "I want to save 20% of my income this year."

But why? I want to have money tucked away for emergencies. 

But why? I want to feel prepared and eliminate worry from my life.

But why? I want to feel more stable and secure on my own and not have to rely on others to bail me out.

But why? I want to prove to myself that I can take care of my own needs.

But why? I want to become the responsible person I know I can be and respond, rather than react, to the world around me. 

Reason #4: Your resolution is actually someone else's resolution.

Maybe someone told you what to think or what you should be doing instead of what you are currently doing, and that stirred up an insecurity that you want to shake in the new year. Maybe someone made a comment about your weight or your diet or that you are too sarcastic or that you never show up on time and you want to change it so you can impress them or gain their approval.

Maybe you are hustling for worthiness and think that by changing your habits to accommodate someone else's need, you will become more valuable in their eyes.

If your new year's goals are for someone else and not something you want to do of your own accord, then it is unlikely that you will earnestly want to follow through to complete your resolution.

Success Tip #4:

Try choosing a resolution that achieves a similar long-term goal (i.e. your deepest why) through a means that is more beneficial and enjoyable to you. For example, if someone close to you pressured you into going to their CrossFit gym with them but you hate it and dread going every time and would rather pursue fitness through yoga, then choose yoga instead. If a long-term goal resonates with you but someone else's method does not, then find a method that works for you and serves you well.

Reason #5: You don't believe achieving your New Year's resolution is actually possible.

One of the biggest barriers to making a change of any kind is your internal monologue of self-doubt and self-criticism. Unproductive thought patterns that hold us back and trick us into thinking we are less capable than we actually are can be a menace when it comes to New Year's resolutions. 

When our limiting beliefs take over, it can be so hard to recognize possibility and opportunity when our mind is clouded by the fog of self-doubt.

Confronting limiting beliefs is both an ongoing process and one of the most difficult ones. However, it is not impossible. Confronting longstanding assumptions, interpretations, and beliefs often takes an outside perspective, since limiting beliefs are so ingrained. However, uncovering the damage these beliefs can do and replacing them with empowering beliefs can be monumental in personal growth. 

Success Tip #5:

One of the best ways to navigate limiting beliefs is to hire a coach and work through deconstructing these beliefs and replacing them with empowering ones piece by piece. However, another way you can do this on your own is to examine the core "why" behind every thought of "I can't." Try to figure out where that limiting belief came from and then try to identify experiences or interactions that disproves that limiting belief. Write down as many examples as you can that support your growth and then, come up with a new, empowering mantra to return to every time you experience self-doubt.

As a life coach, I encounter individuals all the time who are highly motivated to make BIG changes, but who are looking for specific tools to help them along the way as well as the guidance of a professional. Through a coaching partnership, you can receive the tools necessary to make big decisions and map out your goals while creating strategies that ensure success. You can also uncover what drives your behaviors and habits and confront anything that seems to be an obstacle, both internal and external, while navigating the waters of change with a personalized plan.

While spots are limited, there are still some slots open in Re:Solve - a New Year's coaching package comprised of an Energy Leadership assessment + debrief and 5 personalized strategy sessions with a certified professional coach. This package is currently 50% off and registration is open - with limited availability - until January 31st. 

However you go about your resolutions, know that the power rests with you to make 2018 the year that you want it to be. Your resolutions can be realized if you really want them to.

Cheering you on and wishing you all the best in the New Year!

-s

 

Moving Beyond Another New Year's Resolution

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Several people have reached out to me lately to ask about coaching and if it might be right for them. The truth is that coaching is right for anyone and everyone who is passionate about personal and/or professional growth and development and is willing to put in the work it takes to cultivate the awareness necessary to transform obstacles into opportunities.

As we approach the holiday season, I've been brainstorming ways to make the coaching experience both financially accessible and convenient in order to empower more people as we head into 2018. January can too often become a month of high expectation and drive only to be followed by frustration and self-doubt as goals go unmet and motivation wanes as the year spins on. I want to help you change that narrative by equipping you with the tips and tools necessary to confront underlying limiting beliefs that are holding you back from being all that you desire to be in 2018. 

I’m excited to announce Re:Solve - an exclusive New Year’s program at an incredibly discounted rate (see my standard rates for reference) because I have a personal goal of empowering 12 individuals to kick off 2018 with true grit, determination, and a bent towards a more authentically aligned life.

I’m looking for 12 individuals who are so confident in their desire to take charge of their own story in 2018 that they are willing to say “YES” to 6 weeks of challenging and supportive feedback from a professional coach and embrace whatever this experience gives them in return. I’m looking for individuals who not only want to make a change, but also want to make an impact in their circles and lead their energy with intentionality in the new year.

The content and tools we will dive into are so powerful and transformative that mere hype and enthusiasm barely scratch the surface. I cannot tell you how amped I am for the 2018 Re:Solve project. For more information or to reserve your spot, visit our registration page. All sessions will be by phone, so your location does not inhibit your involvement.

There are 12 of you out there who have an amazing opportunity ahead of you. This experience takes place over 6 weeks and includes an ELI Assessment and full debrief session (personalized assessment data included) and five subsequent strategy sessions for an astonishing $497. If you have considered coaching before but have held back due to the financial investment, I can guarantee you this is the best offer Kaleido has to offer in 2018!

So to the 12 - I can’t wait to meet each of you. If your intuition is whispering that this could be a game-changer for you in 2018, don't hesitate to reach out. The benefits of this commitment will far outlive the 6 weeks we spend together, and I look forward to partnering with you to make 2018 a year to remember!

-s

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Taking Back Your Life by Shifting Your Money Mindset

We spend money on what matters to us. Take a look at your bank statement - simply put, it's a diary of what you care about most. 

Lots of coffee dates? Maybe you value relationships or getting shit done.

Frequenting gas stations in different towns? Maybe you really value getting away and finding sacred spaces to explore throughout the week.

Going to shows a couple times a month? Maybe experiencing music is part of what makes you feel alive and most in tune with your highest self.

Wherever your money is going, it is an energy transfer that is somehow connecting you to more of yourself.

One thing I've found, as a coach, when I encounter individuals who balk at the price tag but crave personal growth is NOT the disbelief in the value of the coaching experience, but the discomfort in investing time, energy, and money into themselves.

We are quick to invest in activities that occupy our time and require much doing, yet we are skeptical of investments that require core contemplative focus on being.

You are the only constant in your entire life. You will never spend more time with anyone but yourself. You can invest in experiences and adventures and buy all the coffee in the world, but at the end of the day, it's your relationship with self that is the most important.

Yet sometimes, we accumulate experiences and conversations because it makes the avoidance of our own personal growth easier. We buy into unspoken cultural taboos that shame us into silence all while absorbing the belief that success is all about "doing" and has nothing to do with the art of being.

We exhaust ourselves until we are tired and drained and our mental and emotional health are suffering. Our relationships experience strain, but we just keep pushing because we think we have to become something other than ourselves in order to be successful.

So we push away our most authentic self in order to make room for a shadow of self that is barely keeping its head above water. Striving becomes the driving force and we operate out of a mentality of scarcity (of our time, energy, and money) rather than out of passionate overflow (where our being and doing harmoniously intersect).

The reality is this: after a while, this routine becomes exhausting and we lose our stamina. Those in helping professions often encounter compassion fatigue - a massive wave that threatens to drown anyone in its path.

Burnout is both a looming fear and devastating reality for many individuals in a variety of professions (entrepreneurs, medical professionals, mental health professionals, nonprofit executives, spiritual leaders, CEOs, etc.).

And yet, in spite of patterns that reveal a core issue, we rarely have direct conversations about the core energy which results in imbalance, poor boundaries, and ultimately, burnout.

But there is a way out - and it doesn't involve professional suicide, self-sabotage, alienation, shame, or self-destruction.

It is possible to choose a fulfilling career you love while also choosing self-awareness, self-care, and burnout resilience along the way.

We are fragile, but we are resilient. The consuming darkness of burnout can happen to anyone. And if it's happening to you, your admission neither makes you weak nor hopeless. On the contrary, it makes you brave and hopeful and strategically positions you to recover the reins of your life while creating a future you love in the process.

We always find a way to make the things happen that we want the most. Maybe it's time to take that ounce of faith in self and grow it into something more - something like self-confidence, healthy balance, self-respecting boundaries, burnout resilience, and self-love.

It's hard to put a price tag on such valuable characteristics that you will take with you for the rest of your life. 

So what are you waiting for? 

Let's talk about an investment that will continue to give back

Where Do Our Values Come From?

When you hear the word "values," what is the first thing that comes to mind? Perhaps that word is reminiscent of the moral code your parents ingrained in you as a child. Or maybe you are drawn back to a religious text that outlines what you should or should not value. Maybe you are thinking, instead, of what has become important to you over the years as you have developed your own way of life.

Either way, thinking about our values tends to evoke a certain emotional response which may manifest itself in a certain physical reaction. 

Did you hold your breath while reading the first paragraph? Did you roll your eyes when I mentioned your family's moral code or a religious text? Did you breathe a sigh of relief when you realized that you have actually chosen your values? Do you want to distance yourself as far as possible from the values you were raised up into or do you find yourself filled with nostalgia at the thought of your childhood values?

Whatever your response was, it is perfectly normal. Thinking about our values, or the principles and ideals that we revere as most important and essential to how we live our lives, can bring up a lot of emotion. And this is with good reason.

There are two types of values: fear-based values and conscious-based values.

Fear-based values are ideas and principles that we choose out of fear that something bad will happen if we don't live out that principle. An example of a fear-based value would be someone upholding honesty as essential to their lives because when they were a kid, their dad was dishonest and unfaithful to their mom and it wrecked their family. In this person's mind, dishonesty is equivalent to pain and destruction and therefore, they highly value honesty because life seems too chaotic without it.

On the other hand, conscious-based values are chosen values that are intentionally created because a person believes that specific value creates a positive life experience. For example, another person could highly value honesty because throughout their friendships, honesty has proven time and time again to build trust and intimacy and a sense of safety in the relationship. 

Do you see the difference?

Most of us carry a mixture of both fear-based and conscious-based values. As we become more self-aware and in tune with who we are and what is really most important to us, sometimes the fear-based values fall off as they are replaced with chosen, or conscious-based values, that more adequately reflect what we want our lives to resemble instead of what we are afraid it might resemble. 

So what values are most important to you?

Here's a short exercise to find out:

1. Write down a list of your top 10 values.

Remember, values are the concepts and principles that are most important to us. (i.e. honesty, humor, integrity, community, authenticity, enjoyment, etc.)

2. Next to each word, write down what feeling each word evokes.

In other words, if you see the word honesty and think "I have to be honest or else something bad will happen," then put a star by that word. If your value word brings up a different thought, such as, "Honesty makes me feel like more of myself and feels like such a foundational component of my healthiest friendships," then circle that word. 

*note: a star denotes a fear-based value while a circle denotes a conscious-based value

3. Take some time during the week to meditate on your values.

Brainstorm ways in which you can make each of your chosen values feel empowering (something that makes you more of yourself) rather than disempowering (something that brings up fear and makes you feel like you have to play small or live out of a "what if something bad happens" mentality).

If you want to do a more in-depth exploration of your values or learn what it means to align your life with your values, shoot me a message on my contact page and we can chat about it during a free session. 

We will be talking a lot more about values in the weeks to come, so stay curious and look out for future posts!

-s

Is Compassion Fatigue Even a Thing?

You are constantly tired, you feel like you are barely holding it all together, you are emotionally fried 99% of the time, and you can’t remember the last time you felt fully yourself. You feel pulled in so many different directions that you are afraid it all might literally pull you apart.

Most of your time and energy is spent taking care of other people and you have a hard time picturing what self-care would even look like. Every now and then, someone tells you that you should take some time for yourself, but in the same breath, they ask you to do something.

Maybe it is a common case of over-committing, or maybe...you are suffering from compassion fatigue.

“Compassion what? Is that even a thing? It sounds made up.”

Oh it’s a thing. And it is time to start talking about it.

Compassion fatigue is defined as:

: the physical and mental exhaustion and emotional withdrawal experienced by those that care for sick or traumatized people over an extended period of time; fatigue, emotional distress, or apathy resulting from the constant demands of caring for others

 Mental exhaustion? Emotional withdrawal? Physical fatigue and emotional distress?

Those all sound pretty serious. It sounds like this is something that could be stealing more from your life than you may even notice.

Many people in helping professions spend so much of their time, energy, and resources pouring into their patients, clients, partners, and others in their lives that they often neglect the important work of self-care. Others exhibit a natural “caregiver” energy that can become a double-edged sword, if not kept in check.

Without clearly defined boundaries, it can be easy to fall into the pattern of giving, giving, giving until there is nothing left of yourself. When we give more than we actually have the capacity to give, it is like trying to water a garden with an empty canteen. It just doesn’t work.

But there is another way! Bringing balance, boundaries, and burnout resilience tactics into your life will absolutely change how you experience your relationships, your work, your hobbies, your spiritual practices, and your relationship with yourself.

The opposite of compassion fatigue is PASSIONATE OVERFLOW. When you are living a life of passionate overflow, everything you do is a natural and effortless overflow out of who you are.

While making the shift from doing and striving to being and thriving can be difficult, it is an infinitely valuable and transformative journey. And I want to partner with you to guide you out of apathy, exhaustion, emotional distress, and the suffering of striving.

It’s time to take a deep dive into your WHO, your HOW, and your WHAT and begin peeling back the layers of fatigue to reveal a self that you love and a life that is worth living.

Want to experience PASSIONATE OVERFLOW?

Let’s leap - together.

-s